Hell
by Zevus
Summary: Lucas is excited for his first day of 6th grade. Crackfic. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

"OKAY LITTLE LUCAS TIME FOR SCHOOL."

"Little" Lucas opened his eyes, scrunching up his face against the morning sunlight. Quickly putting on his best clothes, Lucas ran down the spiral stairs, bumping into the mailman as he went down.

As he sat down in his usual spot at the table, Lucas' mom sat a plate of pancakes and orange juice in front of him. "Eat fast, Little Lucas; you wouldn't want to be late for your first day of 6th grade."

Lucas quickly nodded. His mom smiled and quietly left the room, not wanting to wake up his father. Father Lucas would get very angry when somebody disturbed him.

Before he could touch his food, though, Mother Lucas shouted for him to get his ass to school.

* * *

"WHAT IS _YOUR _NAME?"

Lucas was backed up against the new lockers. A boy about his age was looming over him. His face was covered with stubble, and Lucas was about to say "wtf" until he realized the kid just smeared dirt all over his cheeks.

"I asked you a question. When the _captain_ of the lacrosse team asks YOU a question, you better answer."

"Lacrosse is for fags."

Lucas' face soon caved in from all the pressure the boy's fists were applying.

His homeroom class took a long time to find. It was in the back of the school, and the door practically fell when he opened it.

"Hello, class, my name is Stacy Humblebee, but you can call me Mrs. Humblebee." The teacher introduced herself as the class settled into their chairs.

Lucas couldn't see the board because the school fatass sat in front of him. She had to be at least 200 pounds. Lucas didn't say anything, but she turned around and started talking to him.

"Hi. I'm Lisa." Lisa's face was covered with horrible acne, and she was wearing square glasses and pigtails.

"Lucas."

Lisa shifted so she was looking past his shoulder. Giving a sigh, she started to twirl one of her pigtails with her finger. "Isn't Greg over there just sooo cute?"

Lucas still felt the pain he suffered from Greg's "cuteness."

Mrs. Humblebee's voice drowned Lucas' thoughts.

"Okay, before we get started, I would like to say how much FUN we are going to have in my classroom!" To prove her point, Mrs. Humblebee gave a squeal.

"MARK. Get in here!"

A man about Mrs. Humblebee's age wheeled into the classroom, parking in front of her desk.

"This is my husband." Mrs. Humblebee waved her hand above "Mark" like he was up for auction.

"HAHAHA LOOK AT HIS WHEELS." Greg screamed, and James busted out into a fit of giggles.

Mark looked about ready to wheel over there and strangle the two boys, but Mrs. Humblebee placed her hand on his chest.

"Now, now." She said, blushing, giving a sly look directed towards Greg. Was that...seduction?

Mark wheeled out, and Mrs. Humblebee started yapping again.

"Now, I'd like you to meet the class president, and also the leader of our local girl scout committee."

"Hiya, I'm Allison." The girl's voice was high pitched and painful on the ears. "I'll be the one to go to if you need any help with homework or anything if Mrs. Humblebee is not available.

"Excellent." Lucas whispered, not really paying attention.

"Totally."

Lucas turned to his right to see an Australian blond looking dreamily at the girl standing in the front.

"I don't like her." Lisa's nasally voice could be heard. She had her flubby arms folded across her chest, and was glaring at Allison.

"That's just because she likes Greg." Chris mocked her, leaning slightly to get a better interpretation of the conversation being held.

"How old are you? You don't look like a sixth grader." Lucas asked Chris. It was true, Chris didn't look like he belonged in middle school at all.

"I'm 13. I'm only in this _stupid _class because I was held back two years. I should be in eighth with the _winners_, not here with the _losers_."

"STFU, dude." Eric whispered to the arrogant boy. Before this, Lucas honestly thought Eric was dead. He hadn't said a word, and kept his head on his desk the whole time.

"Alright class, settle down." Mrs. Humblebee had become aware of their conversation. It was good they sat in the back of the class, where she was for the most part oblivious to.

* * *

Lucas got locker 12, which sat in probably the least practical place in the whole damn school. All of the 6th grade's lockers were located here. There was smears of wiped off spray paint, and the numbers were fading.

"Get away from my locker, homo." Lucas turned to see an uber hot girl standing behind him, and at first he didn't know what she was talking about.

But, sure enough, he was standing in front of locker _13_, not _12_.

"My apologies." Lucas stepped towards his own locker, giving the girl enough room to get to hers.

"Why is your shirt tucked in?" The girl eyed him up and down, giving him a disapproving look.

Lucas stared down at his belt, and then at the girl. "I find it to be more appropriate and neater."

He looked at her as if he made perfect sense, and she didn't say anything else.

"May I ask your name?"

"Remy."

Lisa's fatass soon found its way to locker _10_. Lucas had the urge to throw up when she took out a handful of mashed-up cheeseburgers and stuffed it in her open locker.

Eric took locker _14_, and to Lucas' dismay, Greg had locker _11_. He pressed his dirt covered face against Lucas' slightly bruised cheek, sporting a huge grin. "I'm not through with you."

The rest of the class slowly shuffled to their new lockers, fumbling with the locks.

Eric tapped Remy's shoulder nervously. "Hello."

For the first time, Eric's voice sounded more nervous than boring.

"What do you want?" She didn't sound mean, exactly, but annoyed.

Before he could say anything, Lisa ran through the hallway, knocking every unlucky soul over like bowling pins. "LUNCHHHTIME."


	2. Chapter 2

"Officer. I didn't do anything, I swear. I can't believe you actually think I could do such a horrible, horrible, thing."

Everybody stared as two police officers escorted Mrs. Humblebee out of the lunchroom. In handcuffs. Shit.

As they stumbled across where Greg was sitting, Mrs. Humblebee started to scream. "GREGORY. GREG. I LOVE YOU. NEVER FORGET THAT."

Greg ran up to where she was and Lucas watched as he attempted to take down the two officers. "I'LL NEVER LET THEM TAKE YOU, STACY."

He punched and jabbed at the two officers, but their rock hard abs just deflected the attacks. But before he could get a real punch in, one officer released his grip on Mrs. Humblebee and picked him up, drop kicking him across the room. As Greg got up and ran towards the officer, he only got a kick in the face.

Yay?

Lucas wasn't sure if he should cheer or not. He decided not to; it would probably be inappropriate. And he'd get his ass kicked later.

The school watched in amazement as Mrs. Humblebee was pushed out of the doors, crying and screaming the whole time.

"Can the stupid bitch just shut the fuck up already?" Remy was eying, more like glaring, at the doors Mrs. Humblebee just went out of. You could still hear the teacher's wails as she went down the halls.

"OHHH. You said the F word!" Allison was pointing at Remy, chanting that she was going to tattle.

Remy got a weird look on her face, but quickly lost it and punched Allison's scrunched up face.

Allison fell backwards, and Robert stood up, trying to intimidate Remy by puffing his chest out and leaning towards her.

"I'm taller than you, faggot."

Robert had nothing to say to that.

"She's gone! She's gone and it's all YOUR FAULT." Greg was wailing, running in Lucas' direction. Before he could respond, Greg punched him in the lip, causing it to bust.

"Ow. That really stings."

Greg moved as if he was going to attack Lucas again, but he tripped over Eric's practically dead body and lost his balance.

No, Greg didn't kick Lucas' ass that day. In fact, neither did James. No. Lucas was lucky. His ass got kicked by the whole fucking lacrosse team.

* * *

"How was school, Little Lucas?" His mom kissed the top of his head, pushing him into the doorway. Before he could answer her question, Mother Lucas noticed his bruises/cuts/dangerously infected wounds.

"What happened?"

"Oh, nothing. Just a little horse playing."

"DID YOU MAKE ANY FRIENDS?" Mother Lucas squealed excitedly.

"Well..." Lucas trailed off. "Chris showed me his "special" magazines, and Eric referred to me as his "acquaintance."

"MY SON HAS FRIENDS." Mother Lucas screamed.

Lucas backed farther into the wall, wondering for a moment if his mother was dangerous. Deciding she wasn't, Lucas ran up the stairs, kicking off his shoes as he tried not to wake up Father Lucas.

* * *

"I'm soooo glad Mrs. Humblebee is gone." Lisa's voice rang across the classroom.

"A huge fucking surprise." Eric picked up his head to respond to Lisa's comment.

Before Allison could say anything, she was punched in her already broken nose by Remy.

"I wonder who will replace Mrs. Humblebee." Lucas tried to lighten up the conversation.

"Who cares? Mrs. Humblebee was just a stupid ho that nobody really liked anyway." Remy decided it would be nice to share her opinion, much to the dismay of the whole class.

"Do you have to be so mean?" James said nervously. Greg was suspended, and James probably felt naked without having him around.

"She's only mean because EVERYBODY knows that she likes..." Allison hushed her voice, trailing off. "Girls."

"You did NOT just fucking go there."

Remy tackled Allison, pushing her to the ground. Allison tried to fight back, but her attacks were feeble and she just kind of scratched at Remy's shirt.

Remy got up and started to kick her. "You" -kick- "should not" -kick- "believe" -kick- "fucking" -kick- "rumors" -kick- "especially" -kick- "if" -kick- "they're" -kick- "not" -kick- "true."

Lisa squealed in delight, clapping her fat hands, urging Remy on.

James looked scared, as if Remy might start hurting him.

Robert looked like he should do something, but remained still.

Lucas had heard rumors from other students, but didn't think it would be a good idea to bring them up. Apparently Remy didn't appreciate anyone who did.

After Remy had finished kicking the ass of Allison, she sat back down while Allison just kind of laid there.

"Holy shit." Chris exclaimed, laughing.

A door opening interrupted him, though, and everybody turned their gaze towards the man that walked in. He looked kind of scary, and Lucas was 99% sure James pissed himself.

"Greetings. My name is Michael Tritter, but you will refer to me as Mr. Tritter at all times." He gently closed the door. "I'm your new teacher."

Allison staggered to her desk, quickly sitting down before Mr. Tritter could say anything.

Lisa stood up. "Hi I'm Lisa."

"Nobody cares." Robert whispered.

Apparently neither did Mr. Tritter. "Nice to meet you. Sit down."

Lisa looked offended.

"I said sit down."

She sat down.

* * *

Lucas got off the bus at the same time Allison did. This wasn't her stop, but Lucas guessed she didn't want to be stuck with Remy on a bus any longer.

Lucas thought about asking her if she was okay, but then he realized he didn't really care and she probably didn't want to answer anyway. So he shut up until she started talking.

"Don't you think Robert is cute?"

"Not really, no."

"Hmph."

"Are you okay?" He decided to ask anyway.

"NO. Why the heck did she have to do that anyway?" Allison sighed, trying to look mean.

"You called her a dyke."

"OHHH. YOU SAID THE D WORD."


	3. Chapter 3

Lucas kicked his feet back and forth under the table, admiring his new shoes. The class was scuttling around the large room, investigating all the mysterious "equipment" scattered around.

They were in a special class labeled "sexual education."

"Hey, Greg." Lisa clasped her hands together, blushing. "I'm glad you're back."

Greg was flipping through one of his lacrosse magazines, ignoring her. Lisa decided if she pressed harder, she would get a reaction.

"Will you sit next to me in class? We can mock Lucas together."

Greg finally realized that if he didn't respond soon, she was going to tackle, and he was going to die.

"No. I'm sitting next to Jimmy."

James blushed and looked away.

"WELL THEN. ME AND LUCAS WILL SIT TOGETHER THEN."

"Actually, I was planning on sitting next to Chris. He said he'd teach me how to woo the ladies."

"Tsk tsk." Lisa put her flubby hands on her hips. "I'm a girl, Lucas. Sitting next to me would be sitting next to a lady, no?"

Lucas thought about telling Lisa that he thought she was ugly, but decided that would be mean. Instead, he scuttled across the room where Eric and Chris were talking.

"They're going to pull out the CARROT, dude. Seriously." Chris was laughing his ass off.

Eric had one of those sleep masks on, and was snoring quietly.

Chris clasped a hand on Lucas' shoulder. Stumbling, Lucas managed to regain his balance.

"Isn't it beautiful?" Eric was looking at one of the tables, where Remy was tearing into poor, poor Robert.

"You like her don't you, pretty boy?" Remy grinned, cornering Robert, even though he was a good bit stronger than her.

"Er, no." Robert raised his hands defensively, preparing himself for a punch.

"Admit it. You like Allison." Remy shoved him slightly, but he stumbled back like she hit him with a baseball bat.

"LEAVE ROBBY ALONE!"

Lucas didn't know why Allison would step into the picture, considering she still had bruises and her nose was still badly broken where Remy had kicked the crap out of her.

Allison put her hands on her hips, sticking her tongue out.

Greg laughed, and nudged Robert with his foot.

The teacher chose that moment to walk in.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING." She quickly helped Robert up. As she did, she accidentally bumped into Greg.

"I'm sorr-" She stopped, getting a good look at Greg and his fake stubble-ness. "Why hello." She said seductively.

"Why do all the fucking teachers have to fall for him?" Lisa crossed her arms across her chest.

Class started, and the woman began speaking.

"Hi kids, my name is Lydia, and I'll be teaching you about sexual intercourse."

"SHE SAID SEXUAL INTERCOURSE." Allison scowled at Lydia, giving her a disapproving look.

Fuck it. Lucas raised his hand. "Will we be discussing homosexual intercourse, such as sodomy?"

Lydia looked at him with eyes as wide AS FLYING SAUCERS.

"DON'T YOU KNOW ANYTHING, LUCAS? HOMOSEXUALITY IS A SIN."

"Allison, I don't think you realize this, but not one person in this whole fucking class gives two shits about what you have to say." Remy seemed angry.

Eric's head jolted up. "Huh?" He looked around wildly before realizing where he was. "Oh, yeah. I'm good. Yeah. I've been paying attention."

Lydia was now looking at the entire class with eyes as wide AS FLYING SAUCERS.

"Er, okay. Let's start the lesson." She smoothed the nonexistent ruffles in her skirt.

Lydia pulled down a diagram of the male human body. "Now class, what's this?" She used a pointer to point to the man's dick.

"It's his pee pee, and he uses it to go potty." Allison exclaimed.

"Yes." Lydia clapped her hands happily. Yes, Allison, that's exactly what it is!"

Allison blushed, and Lydia pulled down a diagram of the female body.

"What's THIS?"

"Bewbs. Without those, Little Miss Diagram would never get a guy."

"Thanks for participating Remy, but that wasn't the answer I was looking for."

"I KNOW! I KNOW! Those are the things I love most in life!" Greg looked around triumphantly, but James looked defeated.

"Why yes. I bet they are." Lydia tried to discreetly unbutton the top button of her blouse.

Chris glared at Greg. "Have you ever seen a REAL pair? No, you haven't." He jumped on the table. "I saw Mrs. Humblebee's one time when she "forgot" to put a bra on. It was so easy to look down her shirt."

"Pl-Please get down." Lydia was staring up at Chris.

Chris was busy running down the tables, jumping from one to the other, kicking people's heads.

"GET DOWN!" Lydia yelled.

"Yeah, get down!" Screamed Greg.

Chris got down.

"Okay class, now I will show you how to put on a condom." Lydia smiled.

Lisa raised her hand. "Miss Lydia, have you ever used a condom?"

"You trying to be funny, punk?" Lydia glared. "Get your fatass out and into the hallway."

Lisa bawled every step to the hallway.

Lydia demonstrated how to put on a condom using a carrot. "How about I demonstrate it on an actual person? Greg, would you like to volunteer?"

"Hell. No." Greg was busy smearing fresh dirt on his cheeks. The boy carried a plastic bag full of dirt everywhere he went.

Lydia laughed nervously. "So, children, you all know how sex works, right? Do you know about the part where the penis goes into the vagina?"

"Isn't that the very basis of sex, Miss Lydia?' Lucas questioned.

"SHUT UP." Greg screamed, eying Lydia, hoping for praise.

"Now, now. That is a very good observation Lucas." Lydia continued as Greg's face fell. "But no, the basis of sex is love."

"You have got to be kidding me." Eric's faint black voice could be heard.

* * *

"What did you learn in school today, Little Lucas?"

"Well, I learned every teacher is a cougar, carrots can be used for more than just eating, and that all Germans are crazy."

"Ah." Mother Lucas looked confused, but simply shrugged. "Well go change. Father Lucas will be taking us to Mcdonald's tonight. Isn't that wonderful?"

"Oh joy. Yes, Mother, in all of my 11 years I've wanted nothing more than to spend two hours at Mickey D's with nothing to do except eat and play in the indoor playground."

"Great! Go get dressed. Quickly now, sweety, we don't want to upset Father Lucas, now do we?"


	4. Chapter 4

"Okay, Little Lucas, go and play in the nice indoor playground."

"Why is that thing even here? Didn't they take all of these down from a lawsuit or something."

"You're so funny, Little Lucas." Mother Lucas beamed at her funny child.

"GO AND PLAY, BOY." Father Lucas stared angrily down at his unfunny child.

Lucas pissed himself.

Suddenly, without any warning, a huge boulder rammed into Lucas, making him skid across the disgusting, greasy floor to the entrance to the indoor playground.

It took him a moment to realize that this boulder did not exist; in actuality Lisa had rammed into him. "PLAYYYGROUND."

Shit. Is everybody here?

Yep. Eric's dead body seemed to float across the room, followed closely by Chris, who was playing some dumb video game, his eyes glued onto the screen, oblivious to the floating black child above him.

Robert just wandered around

Allison squeaky voice was arguing with Lisa's nasally one somewhere out of view.

"NO, GREG IS MINE."

"NO, HE WOULDN'T WANT A FATTY LIKE YOU!"

Lucas stepped into the playground, unsure of what to do. He set his shoes neatly in one of the bins, and was getting up when he noticed James and Greg in the food place, running to get into the playground.

They got a face full of glass when the door slammed into their faces.

That was probably a bad idea, Lucas thought, suddenly regretting his idea of revenge.

"YOU LITTLE SHIT!" Greg screamed, as James helped him put more dirt on his face. "ME 'N JIMMY GON' GET YOU!"

Lucas ran away, but tripped over Eric's corpse. Steadying himself, he ran up the stair like square things to the highest point, where the slide was.

"HELP OMG I'M STUCK IN THE SLIDE!" Lisa screamed.

Damnit.

A worker ran up beside him, looking down at her. "What the hell. Why the fuck is there mashed up cheeseburger clogged up in there?"

"A girl under the cheeseburger is really fat...and stuck." Lucas answered.

"Well help her."

"No."

"YOU ASSHOLES!" Lisa screamed.

James was panting as he reached the slide. "Greg says I have to take you to his lair."

"You mean to the fake racecar in the air with the steering wheel?"

"Yeah. That one."

"Sorry, but I really don't want to go there."

James' face fell. "But I need to impress Greg."

"Ah. I see." Lucas thought for a moment. "How about you take me there by force, to show Greg how strong you are."

James beamed. "OKAY!"

In the fake racecar, Greg was sitting on the seat, making racecar noised and turning the wheel. "Jimmy. Well done. Sit him in the passenger seat."

James happily pushed Lucas into the seat, which was plastic and highly uncomfortable.

Greg turned to him. "I hate you. And now you must pay." He slowly rose up, glaring daggers at Lucas' small undeveloped body.

Lucas did the only thing he could think of. Grabbing a loose nail from a hinge in the racecar, he brought it down against Greg's right thigh, ripping the skin and causing it to bleed. Greg screamed, grabbing his leg.

Apparently the nail Lucas chose was one of those super sacred nails, and when he grabbed it from its place the racecar started to tilt to the front, and it didn't help that when Greg grabbed his leg he staggered to the front of the racecar.

And suddenly, in slow motion, the plastic racecar started to fall, hitting other parts of the playground with a crash. It finally landed upside down, knocking Lucas against the ceiling.

It felt like hours, but Lucas was sure only seconds had passed since the racecar crashed.

A white beam flooded over Lucas' trembling body, and he stared up, in amazement, as God started to speak to him. Unlike his prediction, church finally payed off.

"Hey. Hey son."

"Father. FATHER! Oh my god! I submit to your holiness, Father!"

"What? I ain't your father."

And that's when Lucas felt the handcuffs go on.

* * *

Apparently the white beam of God was actually an AA flashlight.

Sitting in the police station, Lucas found out that he committed "vandalism," and that was a serious, serious crime. They said his parents would have to sign a document, and then Lucas would never be allowed to step foot in McDonald's again.

The handcuffs were poking in his back, and Lucas tried to shift in a more comfortable position. As he did, another po-po sat someone in the chair next to him.

"Remy, what are you doing here?"

She rolled her eyes. "I beat up Allison again. Except this time your stupid ass attracted a bunch of 5-Os."

"Why did you hit her?"

"She told me I rhymed with bike."

"Oh."

* * *

"LITTLE LUCAS. I AM VERY DISSAPOINTED WITH YOU." Mother Lucas slapped his wrist. "Did you know your little stunt sent poor wittle Greg to the emergency room?"

"Oh, really? I never could have figured that out myself, considering most serious cuts to the thigh area, which has a lot of veins, by the way, only result in only minor damage."

"LUCAS, DON'T GET SMART WITH YOUR MOTHER." Father Lucas threw a beer bottle at him. A shard of glass scraped across his eyes, and Lucas fell over, searing with pain.

"Father Lucas! Look what you did!" Lucas could hear his mother's voice as he raised his hands to his face.

"My bad."

"WE HAVE TO GET THIS BOY TO THE HOSPITAL!"

"Right now?"

"RIGHT NOW!"


	5. Chapter 5

Lucas attempted to open his pretty eyes, but his eyelashes brushed against the back of a bandage and he quickly closed them, pain searing across his wound.

"OH MY GOD I THINK HE'S WAKING UP!" Lucas could hear his mother.

"What? No. He looks exactly like he did three hours ago; like a motherfucking corpse. Fucking crybaby." That was his father.

An unfamiliar voice started to speak; it sounded very professional and doctor-like. "Well, it seems the cut will heal, although it might leave a small scar. We might as well take off the bandage now. How did he get it again?"

"Heh. Well you see, my son, he's very clumsy. He tripped over my wife's shoes, and the scissors just kind of scraped themselves across his face."

"Ah."

Lucas felt a surge of inner strength, and was caught off balance. He wasn't familiar with high self esteem. "No. That's not what happened."

"Little Lucas! Honey, you've woken up!" He felt a hand against his own, but he quickly pulled back. "My father, the unattractive dude sitting in the seat next to me, threw a beer bottle at my head, and a piece of glass hit me in the eye when the bottle crashed against my unusually hard head."

"BOY, SHUT YOUR STUPID ASS MOUTH!"

"Not likely, father."

And this is when Lucas died.

Father Lucas grabbed him by the neck, and with some supernatural force, ripped poor Lucas' head clean off.

The last thing Lucas heard was the scream of his mother and the laugh of Greg.

The End.

* * *

Lucas stared at the waves of clouds circling his feet. For some reason, despite everything science has taught him, he was able to stand on a cloud.

Soft music could faintly be heard, having a strong resemblance to Lady Gaga's Bad Romance.

Human-like creatures floated around him, fluttering around like bees.

It's when Lucas realized he was in heaven.

"Where the fuck is Meghan Fox?"

Taking a step, Lucas could see a large chair in the mist. He ran to it, amazed by the extraordinary beauty it held. It was about 20 feet tall, and without warning, a set of feet appeared in front of Lucas.

Lucas fell to his knees in utter amazing. "Exactly like what humans predicted!" He yelled, beaming. "We ARE intelligent!"

"Silence." A voice that seemed to be coming from all directions boomed.

"Yes Father." Lucas whispered, quickly looking down.

"Do you feel you deserve to live with me and my angels for eternity, or rot with Lucifer till the end of time?"

"I don't really understand the question."

"SILENCE!"

"But you asked me a question, Father."

It was silent for about 10 minutes, but God finally spoke up. "I have just reviewed all of your eleven years, Lucas Douglas, and it has come to my attention that you have been a good boy."

YAY! Heaven will be fucking awesome!

"So good, in fact, that I will send you back, alive, so you can spread your goodness to less good evildoers. Such as this Remy Hadley person."

Damn.

* * *

"Yep, and the surgeon sowed his head right back on! Just a little stitches here and there, and he's good to go!"

Lucas slowly fluttered his eyes open, looking around. Mother Lucas was talking to Greg's mom, yapping about Lucas' extraordinary surgery, while Greg's mom pretended to believe her.

"You know, you're son is the one that made my boy have permanent leg damage." Mother Greg's eyes glistened.

Mother Lucas stepped back, her eyes also glistening.

Lucas' eyes started to glisten.

"HEY MOM I'M ALIVE!"

"Oh sweety, that's wonderful."

"I'm going to go look around the hospital."

"Be careful." Mother Lucas wasn't paying attention.

The hospital was smallish, and it took Lucas little time to find Greg's room. It was in the corner, and despite not being able to label patient rooms, "Greg House" was written all over the door in permanent marker, in what suspiciously seemed to resemble Jimmy's girly handwriting.

All of Lucas' friends were in the room, thankfully, so he could grab someone to block Greg's attack if it happened.

"HEY LUCAS I WOULD PROBABLY GET REVENGE ON YOU BUT I WANT TO BECOME A DOCTOR NOW SO BYE." Greg was busy putting fresh soil on his smooth face.

"That's funny, I wanna be a doctor too!" James and Lisa yelled in sequence, desperately looking at Greg for approval.

Lucas went over to where Remy was drawing boobs all over the walls and stood next to her. "Remy I have to tell you something."

"What?" She barely glanced at him. "Hurry up I'm busy.

"I met God, and he said you were sinning and you have to turn from your evil lesbian ways."

And then Lucas died again.

Remy grabbed an ax out of nowhere, and boom, dead.

The End.

* * *

Unlike last time, Lucas drifted into a dark mist, falling aimlessly into the blackness. Finally, he hit the ground with a force; it felt like a block of ice, it was so cold.

"WHERE AM I!" Lucas yelled into the distance, but he only saw darkness.

The mist started to swirl, and if Lucas wasn't scared shitless, he would think it was pretty badass.

The mist formed into a shape similar to that of George Clooney, except with horns and a tail, and stood before him, ten feet tall.

"Why hello there." It said, bending down to stare at him.

"What the fuck." Lucas fell to the ground, looking up, terrified.

"My child. No need to worry. All is well."

"Where am I?"

It laughed. "Don't you know? You failed. And you know what happens to failures."

The being grabbed a pitchfork from his back, laughed, and stuck the pitchfork into the dirt. Flames spurred up, circling the two. "Bye bye now."

Flames licked at Lucas' legs, and he tried to run, but more flames just appeared.

And that's when Lucas realized, that he, truly, was in hell.

The End.


	6. Note

**Author's Unimportant Note: **

**I've decided to write a sequel to this fic, just because I don't have any ideas for another fic. I've already started, you can go read it. Its name is "Hades" (LOL OMG GET IT?), and I'm planning to update it today or tomorrow.**

**Truth is, Lucas is just so cute as a middle schooler, even if he is OOC. Actually, they're all OOC., yet not at the same time.**

**Odd.**

**(No, seriously. Go read it.)**

**-Zevus**


End file.
